Construction & Mixed Feelings
Photo by Artem Kniaz on Unsplash.
I have some feelings about Minnesota construction season.
Maybe you do, too. Recently, while navigating yet another detour, I noticed two of mine: frustration with the construction and gratitude for the new roads. I wanted safer, smoother streets. I also wanted my usual exit to be open. Apparently, I would like improvements to happen without inconveniencing me. Ideally, while I’m at home and asleep.
It got me thinking about life and therapy. We can want something to change and still have plenty of feelings about what it takes to get there.
Glad It’s Happening. Ready For It To Be Over.
Both can be true.
We can appreciate an opportunity and feel overwhelmed by it. Love someone and need some space. Know a boundary is good for us and still feel uncomfortable setting it. This is something we practice in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): making room for “both/and.”
I’m grateful AND this is hard.
There’s no need to finish every frustrated thought with “but I should be thankful.” Gratitude doesn’t have to get the last word every time.
And Then Our Brains Join In...
There’s the closed exit. Then there’s our brain saying, “Well, now the whole day is ruined, and I'll be late again.”
Thank you for your contribution, brain.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we get curious about those thoughts and how they affect us. Would “This is annoying AND I can let someone know I’m running late” fit, too? The exit is still closed. But maybe the rest of the day has a chance.
We Don’t Have To Feel Ready
Sometimes we wait to feel less anxious, less guilty, or more certain before doing something that matters to us. Understandable. It would be nice to have an emotional green light. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we practice making room for those feelings while taking steps toward what we care about.
We can ask for help while feeling nervous. Set a boundary while feeling guilty. Try something new while still having a few questions. The feelings can come along for the ride. They don’t have to decide every turn. And we don’t have to figure out the next step alone.
Sometimes, therapy is a place to pause with someone beside us, reconnect with what matters, and find a way forward that feels manageable.
Of Course, Some Barriers Need To Change
Our feelings don’t happen in a vacuum.
Racism, colonialism, ableism, and economic inequality affect the support, safety, and choices available to us. When those conditions wear us down, we deserve more than a reminder to think positively or take a breath. No amount of deep breathing can erase the barriers. We can value coping skills and still insist that the barriers be removed.
A decolonizing approach to therapy makes room to name what’s happening around us, honor our cultures and communities, and ask what care could look like on our own terms.
That might mean rest, connection, boundaries, advocacy, or collective action. It might mean letting someone help carry what has become too much. Acceptance doesn’t require accepting injustice. And you don’t have to fix the whole road to deserve a safer way through.
A Little Patience With Ourselves, Too
Healing doesn’t come with an “END ROAD WORK” sign. Though I wouldn’t mind a projected completion date for learning to stop trying to do it all, all the time.
We can take our time, ask for support, and change course. There’s room to be hopeful and tired. To appreciate a change and wish it were easier. I’ll keep being grateful for the new roads. I’ll probably keep having opinions about the orange cones. Maybe you have something like that in your life right now, too.
At Collaboration for Psychological Wellness, we’d be glad to make room for all of it with you.
You don’t have to know the whole route. We can start where you are.
About the Author
After spending years in a local community mental health setting and group practice in leadership positions, Tina D. Shah (PsyD, LP) decided to start Collaboration for Psychological Wellness, LLC to expand access and reduce barriers to services.